Old Stuff Turned New

I kinda don't like this.
I say "Kinda" for a reason. I love it. like legit love.... yeah..."Love." -sighs- But...I don't like it because well.."love!" lol I mean...It took me almost a year to realize that I never got over him. How? Because he called me the nickname he gave me a year ago. "Bunneh." He called me it. I busted into tears. So clearly...lol But...the part that is killing me is knowing that it won't ever happen again. But then we talked today, and it didn't go as horribly as I thought it would...though his words don't match with his actions. So...He might start avoiding me again which is one of the things I dread the most. He says: "You know I can always make you smile in the end." Well...can you? I'm crying. lol I'm upset. I'm depressed. I'm alone. I'm so lonely...I'm frowning. Can't the end come sooner? All I want to do right now is smile. No...that's a lie. I also want to hug you, breathe you in, savor every moment. cherish it. make it into a fantastic memory. You're afraid to hurt me and treat me like shit?? Dude, six guys cheated on me and you couldn't although you were being blackmailed. I think you'll be fine. lol I just...I don't want to be away from you....I can't do that anymore. I don't want to. I won't...But I think I'm going to have to.

I don't like that....

I'm sorry...but I still love you. :///

"Are You Worth My Time????"

Why is it that girls do these stupid Facebook status things? Example: "Like this status and I'll rate you"
...really? We're rating each other? I mean, I understand that this goes on anyway in our minds, but putting it out there to others?? Everyone has an average of, what? 100 friends on Facebook? So we're exposing that person to your judgement to around 100 people on average?! How does that make any sense?? Even if it were personal, why would you want that? I know I don't want to know what other's rate me...I already have too many image issues, and a stupid number from spiteful people will only make that worse. Make me hate myself more. Why would anyone want to be rated with a stupid number?? Why should it matter?? Okay, so some girls just want to know what their crush thinks of them. okay...seems harmless. but then what if they give you a low number? How's that going to make you feel? Like shit, right? Well, you asked for it, but yet you're still going to mentally blame them for giving you that number and making you feel bad. You did it to yourself! What were you expecting? lol seriously!
*sigh* Okay...and all these other stupid status things...what's another one? Let me go to the "all knowing" facebook and see...
Okay, okay, time out. what is the significance of Marrying someone on Facebook?? does it make you feel important?? I mean...seriously! Why does it fucking matter?? Are you trying to make an ex- jealous?? Or make your crush want you more?? NEWS FLASH!! It doesn't work!! Move on...
Hmm...what else...?
Holy sweet Jesus...."Are you worth my time?"
:)
Wow.
What the fuck is wrong with you guys?! I mean....does belittling people make you feel fucking powerful or something?! I know a good handful of "friends" would out-right say no. And I pray that they're not trying to bait me with that, cause I don't fucking care. You ditched me on my birthday, go fuck yourselves. Anywho.
Grow up.
Yeah, my language may not sound grown up, but take a step back and think...Is knowing any of this petty stuff going to make you feel better? No. They can lie. Tell the truth. But it doesn't mean it'll make you feel better about your friendship. If someone told me that I'm not worth their time. Psh! *delete* I ain't even mad. But how would you react? You'd keep them on there. Stalk their status' wondering if it's about you. Stop! It doesn't matter anymore! Besides, if your wondering this without any specific reason, why are you friends with them at all? Friends are supposed to be there for you through thick and thin no matter what. Always supposed to support you, even if you sound stupid half the time. But if you sit there, staring at the computer and wonder if your worth their time or what their rating of you is...Seriously get a life.
No one deserves to live like that. So you only have 2 close friends? So what? doesn't matter how many friends you have, it's the quality of the friendship and how close you are. THAT, my dear readers, is what a real friend is.
Now go ahead, log off, sign out, close everything and sign out. There's fresh air outside. Enjoy it. :)
<3

"That Emo Kid!"

That moment when you feel completely alone, even though you're not alone....odd...I don't care....and I swear, if one of you ever fucking read this and go "Oh another emo kid" I swear, I'll cut you <.<" don't make me record my 10 minute speech and make you watch it!! <.<" anywho...-le sulks- lol no no....

I'm falling again! lol

and I hate it! I hate myself! I'm disappointed in myself so much right now, and all I can do is cry. and yet, I put on a happy face and don't let anyone know...why do I do this to myself? If it's "all in my head" then why won't it stop?
Tell me this, Society...If it's all in my fucking head, why am I still depressed? I was happy dammit!!!! I had fucking motivation!! I was doing so well!! and now what?!?! WHAT?! Why is this fucking happening again?! I can't do this anymore!! I don't fucking want this!! NO!!!!
I can't...I love being happy more than anything in the world, and it was taken away from me...AGAIN!!
...I don't want this anymore...I don't know how to stop it...I don't....I don't like this at all...How do I fix myself? how?
just...how?...

Safety...

To be honest, I went through a lot in my past relationships. Not saying that they weren't good, but...*sighs* It's complicated. For example: My last relationship. Yes, I may say that I don't care for him anymore, but I know that a little part of my heart will always love him, which does make it hard sometimes to be around him, though we stay as good friends. So now, especially after him...I can't seem to find anyone. Not saying that I haven't been trying, because I have, but every time that I get close to someone and see that chance....I back away. I get scared. As of now, I do get scared. I'm scared at this very moment!! I would like to..ya know..date and all that nice shit...but...I can't...I'm afraid....I don't even know what I'm afraid of!! lol I just...
If you can't tell, I'm really confused right now...I can't even think straight enough to write this, but I just had the urge to share shit for some reason.. :/
Yeah...
I CAN'T HANDLE THIS!!!!
yeah...I'm a natural flirty person, but now...as it's just...the way it is right now..I can't!! I just...I have the literal urge to run away...and I feel terrible for feeling this way, but the fact is that I do.
How do I deal with this?
How do I handle it?
How do I feel safe about this??
I guess that's it, right there....I don't feel safe.....
.......I can't......

MAdness II

I'm not afraid anymore. I understand it. It's more than bEing angry,  or being pushed,  or instigated... it's knowing what you want. How you want things to go. Usually,  the more afraid of it you are,  the more it happens.  With me, it's different. I got threats,  but never the full blow. now.... I understand it. I feel my heart pounding in my chest, slowly being able to hear it in my ears. I cant control it,  but it happens when I need it the most. When Me,  myself, am too afraid to speak out because of the consequences... it's my way of dealing. JUst how it is. YOu have your ways,  I have mine. Let's leave it at that,  shall we?  :)

MADNESS....

Sometimes it's like i cant think straight.... the MadneSs overtakes me.  I cant stand it.  It scares me. I'm afraid of what i might happen. What i would do.  What i would say. Who i might hurt. I'm afraid. I dont know what to do sometimes.  Especially when it happens... how do i stop it?..... i dont think i can...

yeah.

I hate this. Imagine doing everything you possibly can to make others AND yourself happy, only to realize all you do is disappoint people with failing, even when you try your best. Imagine trying to be "perfect" for everyone AND yourself, and just finding out that you can't. You've failed once again. Try being told that you're weak. That you're just not trying hard enough. that it's all in your head...........I can't........I can't............I can't anymore..............I just can't...............................

Everyone....PLEASE don't ever take your friends or ANYONE in your life for granted. They're there for you for a reason, and even if they do something stupid, it doesn't mean that it's always worth to disown them or anything. Don't forget them, because one day you might get a phone call and learn they died. You never know what'll happen. Spend as much time with your friends as you can. Please, for each other. Don't let good memories go to waste. Always be careful. Never let down your guard. I don't mean be paranoid, but always be aware of everything around you.

We don't stay around forever. So enjoy yourself as much as you can, but please be careful. Please? :3

*glug* nom....Captian.....

I love my friends. :) they drag me around to the craziest places and bring SO much fun into my life, I don't know where I would be without them. :) They stick by me and never leave me completely alone. They cheer me up and talk me through everything. I'm so glad I have them!! lol :D I do so much for them, and knowing that I'm getting the same thing in return means so much to me. :) If you're reading this....I love you guys!! :D I know that I can be a pain sometimes, and we can come off as harsh to one another, but knowing that we mean the best by it is what truly matters. Yes, we sometimes lie if we're okay or not, but sometimes we need to to not let others worry. But when you're truly about to breakdown and cry or freak out, please....let each other know. I try so hard to let you guys know how I'm feeling when I get seriously hurt by something. yeah, I bitch about my family a lot, but that's usually the only thing that bothers me....stupid, I know, but it does. lol You know that I would chase down each and every last one of you and tackle you to tell me what is wrong and to keep you out of danger. But if you kick and scream and pout, I can't. I can't do it. You have to WANT to be tackles. Yes, I can tell. Because I know if you're going to pull up something that'll hurt me, and sometimes, I'm not prepared for that. I'm not prepared to know how much of a whore I am, even though I've only had 3 partners. I'm not prepared to know how much of a bitch I am, even though I listen to every good thing and bad thing 50 times over in a week. Even though I let you guys vent as much as you need to. Even though I let you use me as a punching bag and let you bitch me out, because I know it'll make you feel better. but when the times get rough, I remember every hateful thing.....Like the time I ended up almost killing myself in the parking lot of a school when someone I love like a sister told me I'm better off dead. If I never existed. ONE person talked me out of it, and now he pretty much hates me. I almost did it. I really almost did. Then I went back to that house.....and drank. I drank to get rid of the pain it brought me. Drank to wash away the comments that 2 other people told me about them both. Drank to forget that you're the one who said it. And that's why I drank every other time I was there. To forget that moment. And yes, there still are times that that's the only reason why I want to drink....To forget that pain. To forget what everyone said. And now, I'm sitting here thinking about all of this.....and no, I don't want to die, I want to escape it all......by drinking. Not to function. No. I need to make that clear. clearly I don't need it to function, because the last time I drank was about 7 months ago. But it makes me think of happy times and to create new memories that we can laugh about. I love laughing. To the point where I can no longer breath, type of laughing. :D it's fun to me!! lol

But I want to point out something.....Even though I don't have a way to escape, with all these nasty things that are said about me "behind my back" and me still loving each and every one of my friends, NO MATTER WHAT, with all the bullshit that's going down, with all of this all combined with clinical depression, I still pull through. I don't let it get to me. If I'm like your sister, love me unconditionally. Don't blame me for things I didn't do. If you're harsh to me, I'll give you the same treatment. I'm not all that nice anymore, and if I am, it's the devilish type of nice. Like....I'm gonna kill you in your sleep with a sweet smile and in a sweet tone type of nice lol!! I've just reached that point. Yes, I can still be nice, but if you can't talk it out, I won't either. I can't keep prodding everyone anymore. I can't chase after you all the time unless I feel like you're in danger. I can control myself. I don't use those excuses. If you want to say something, SAY IT!!!! Don't leave me in the dark. Like I said before: "I don't care if you call me a whore, or a bitch, just say it to my face and not expect me to just know!!! You say it out loud and to my face, we're cool. Yeah, I'm gonna be mad, but you can't expect me to NOT be mad. I'm just gonna be grateful that you have that courage to say that to me and not be afraid of me."

<3

Never Ending Drama

Maybe I should go away for a while....I just don't wanna deal with any of this shit anymore. I really wanna just move away to Chicago, take up on that offer, and live drama free. Live without worrying if I'm going to cry myself to sleep because my friends like to hate me and say such nasty things but never directly to my face. How can people be so spineless???? Thing is, I don't even mean that in a bad way!!! I'd rather be bitched at to my face than indirectly and in a pussy ass way. I HATE IT!!!!! You're supposed to be my friend, so why can't you share anything anymore?! You're supposed to tell me if I'm stupid, give me reasons, tell me if I'm wrong. Why did this all of a sudden change?? You're supposed to sit there and listen to me complain like I let you do. Support me in ANYTHING No matter how much it may hurt you.....just like I did.

why did that change....?

Why can't you speak up anymore?

What the fuck did I do?


Forget it. I don't wanna know. Not like you would ever tell me, anyways. I'm going away for a while. I'm not gonna deal with this stupid game.....I hate the drama.....I just want it to be gone......why can't we all just be nice and not talk shit behind each other's backs???? WHY IS THAT SO HARD?!?! WE'RE FRIENDS!!!!!!! WHY IS IT SO FUCKING HARD?!?!?! >.<"

So, I want to ask you: What gives you the right to judge me?? What gives you the right to tell me if I'm a good or bad person?? What gives you the right to believe I'm going to hurt you?? What gives you the right to do as God does? To judge others? You don't know me, and even if you do, I doubt that you're not pig-headed to understand why I do the thinks I do. If I have odd colored hair, what of it? Does it mean I'm a murderer? Does it means I was raised wrong? Does it mean I'm a failure? Remember back when dying your hair ANY natural color was odd and unaccepted? Now look at it. It's normal. It's almost expected!! If we see someone with pretty colored hair, we ask if they dyed it. And a decade from now, it'll be the same with blue and pink and purple and green. It may be hard to believe now, but you never know. There was a time when birth control was tabboo. Now that's the first thing a guy asks when he's about to have sex. It's what girls WANT to have. Times change people!! Instead of trying to deny the fate this world has, why not just accept it and make it an easier process?? It's like trying to stop teens from having sex. You can preach as much as you want, but there's NEVER a garentee. You can never be sure of the outcome. Some people won't dye their hair. Some people will. It's all a matter of the individual person's personality, and no matter how much you wanna say you know ur kids or your friends or your siblings, there's always something you don't know about. Something big, small, life-changing, or life-ending. There's always something you don't know, so acting like you know everything about someone is arrogant and ignorant. So don't do it. You'll only make yourself out to be an idiot, a bad parent or bad sibling. Kay? I have to watch me and my friends miss a train home by 5 seconds because of a cop who thought we were bad. We had on wigs.....WIGS!!!!! Then I watched as they took away WOODEN weapons. I can understand steel or something, but wood??? Plywood at that?! This just disappoints me, so much. That they can try and stop the shootings and muggings and all this hate crime ON the trains, but instead they act innocent and say there's "nothing more they can do to resolve the issue."

Stop being the sterotypical society and welcome yourself into the new age. Times change. Just accept it.

.....Welcome..... :)

Sometimes....I'm so tired of trying. Not at life or anything, but like.....uhmmm.....how to explain this without people thinking I'm all "emo" and shit...hmmm....I'm sick of trying to find my "other half" for the lack of a better term. It's not like I'm not trying and just waiting. I do try a little. I try to meet with people to have a nice time....then they never speak to me again. I don't want to sound pitiful or anything, it's just annoying whenever you try so hard and no one is willing to ever try for you.

I see so many people saying that there's always someone out there that finds you beautiful, but how can you believe that when everyone you know calls you a whore, a slut, a man, and so much other shit?? Even your own friends....How can you believe that you're beautiful when you know that people don't think so? one person against ten. Where does it tend to lean to? that one person, or those ten?? I know I shouldn't focus on those who talk shit, but can you truly forget about everything that was said? Example...If I told you to not think about hubcaps, what are you going to start thinking about?.....hubcaps!! Yeah, you may forget after a while, but you're gonna remember it eventually. Something reminds you or you're sitting alone with nothing to do and it just tends to come up in your mind. It just sorta happens. You don't want it to, you don't try, but it happens. does anyone else know what I'm talking about, or am I alone on this one?? lol

I know that if my friends talk shit like that, they're not really friends, but what's a more worse way to make someone feel bad than knowing what they say, and making it known you know, but never showing your mad? Be nice and sweet and let them suffer in silence? Let then drown in it, eat it and breath it every single day and having to see that it doesn't change anything. It doesn't make you disappear. It doesn't make you try to kill them. It doesn't make you run away. it doesn't make you cry or make you apologize that a guy just didn't fucking love them like they said they did when they were smashed. I'm done. I'm not nice anymore. I'm at the edge. hanging over it like a fucking boss. (punny?)

I'm not going to take this anymore. I know who I want to be. So......Welcome. I'm fucking done. :)

*shakes head*

Okay, so I'm kinda just sitting here with....I can't really call it writer's block, because I know what I want to write, it just feels like I CAN'T ya know? :/ Like...I know exactly how this story is going to go and what it's going to be about and stuff, but I can't find the motivation to actually WRITE it... :/ I'm awkward, I know, but I always get like then, and when I actually get the motivation, I'm never at my computer, but somewhere where I can't write at all. O.o
I tend to do that a lot, but it just works somehow. lol XD

Don't be like me.

I'm going to write a confessional on here for myself. I need to relieve some of this weight that's been on my shoulder's for a long time:

I cut. Yes, I still do. I don't want to, but it's getting to the point where I can't fight the urges any longer. People hate me. I know that. I fully accept it but you know, I just pretend I don't notice as to not cause a disturbance. Losing people is something I'm not good with, so I just write it off. Yes, I know i can be annoying, but It's not like I TRY to just to annoy others. I'm not that ignorant.

Another thing that I can barely accept myself:...........I'm anorexic........I may not look like it, but I fight with myself to eat something every day as to not faint with undernourishment. It's not fun. It's not easy. I look in the mirror every morning and hate the way I look. I hate shopping for clothes because it shows me how fat I am. and no, I'm not a size 2, or 4 or 8. I would love to be. I am a size 13/14. And I hate myself. I try so hard to put on a happy face and seem like I'm so happy with the way I am and proud of myself, but I'm not. I wish I was someone else. I wish I just had a different life.

So now, I sit here crying because I can't do it anymore. I can't keep putting on this mask and letting you all think I'm so fucking happy when I'm not.

I'm not happy.

My memories haunt me every single fucking night.

And no one ever let's me forget.

I act like nothing can hurt me. Like I can brush everything off. But I can't.

I'm blamed for everything. can't ever be anyone else's fault but mine. and it stings SO badly that I'm lying to my best friends every single fucking day and I just can't say anything because I'm so afraid to admit any of this to myself, even though I know it's true!!!!

Learn from my mistakes. Don't be like me. Please, for God's sake, DON'T BE LIKE ME!!!!!!!!

I don't want to be like me.

~Miku Takahashi~

HAPPEH!!!!!

OH MY LORD!!!!!!!!!! okay.....so my last post I talked about how I thought I completely screwed my chances over with this guy because I felt like I may have pushed him away.....NOPE!!!!! XD I'm actually gonna go over to his house tomorrow!!! Oh my I'm so excited and happy!!!!! XD Like, I didn't think it would work out, even though I hoped that it would!! So the fact that it really did work out for me, is like a miracle of some sorts!!! lmfao XD I know I'm totally overreacting right now, but no other guy gives me a second chance anymore. I mean, most guys that I first meet no longer want to speak to me after the fact. So it is somewhat of a big deal to me, even if it is really small.....lol
I mean, now I'm all nervous and stuff and it's like....I just turned into a girly girl!! lol I usually never fuss over looking my "best" at all times. I'm the kind of girl that likes to wear t-shirts and jeans. But for some reason, I feel the need to like, impress him and dress all cute like! O.o This isn't normal for me, but I guess I'll just go ahead and go along with it and see where it takes me. Sometimes I should just shut up and follow my instincts, right? lol Maybe it's for the best for now. :P Let my "girly" instincts to kick in, right? O.o But of course, there's a VERY fine line between girly and SLUTTY lol I'm sure we all understand that concept. :)
But for now, I must rest up some for the day to come. :)

Confuzzled...

Okay....problem....*takes breath* I like this guy. Kay? But i think I may have pushed him away by not making it obvious I was interested...So right now, I'm just realizing it and it's like...that odd sense of loss and regret. So it's like...I just dont know. I didnt realize I liked him this much until yesterday, and now it just feels like I'm missing out on SO much. I dont quite know what to do now. I'm thinking that I'm just going to have to wait and see if it'll work out in my favor or not. I'm hoping it will, but it's like I'm SO worried and whatnot that my mind keeps racing around so much with all these thoughts so it's like....i feel like breaking down, almost....but I wont. I'll just drown myself in something else so I wont have the time to think. I just need to keep really busy.....Wish me luck....

I felt like writing some more, so here's another update to my blog. :)

I'm feeling a little depressed right now. I know it could be caused by a multitude of things at this point, but I just hate feeling like this now-a-times.....like, I'm happy, then I just feel randomly left out and It's like...I know that I'm not, but it still feels like it sometimes....I love all my friends, and I know they love me, but sometimes I want a little more. :/ Like, right now, I keep thinking about this one person and it's just.....so difficult to explain!! Lol but....you know how you have these fancies of daydreams and you want them to come true SOOOO bad but you can't find the hope to believe it will? Like when you try to see into the future and you want it to turn out a certian way, and you want it to be that way with all your heart but you just can't find the will and hope to believe it will turn out that way....I know I'm just rambling right now...and even if there's no one reading this right now, or even ever, i want to believe there's someone out there that knows what I'm talking about and knows how I feel....and even as I sit in the back of my friend's car all depressed, he puts on our little song to dance to cheer me up....even if it's not that much....It makes me smile so big knowing that all of my friends keep me in their thoughts. Sometimes, it's the little things that cheer you up the most. :)

All That Jazz

"I had a date last night. And it was awesome!! My first date in my entire life!! ^_^ he paid and everything and honestly....I loved it. I do like him. He's one of those guys that are funny yet laid back, but still tries to impress you. :) I mean, he drove!! :O I never have a chance like that. Almost every single one of my ex's didn't know how to drive, didn't have a car, or didn't want to drive.....I take that back. Every single one of my ex's were like that. XD and the funny thing is, I didn't feel uncomfortable around him. Like, I wasnt self-concious at all, and usually I always am. I'm always worried about how I look because I'm uncomfortable with my weight and all that jazz. So it sort of was a deal to me. Lol!! But I always have this feeling afterwards that I'm just not good enough and I'll just be ignored after the fact because it almost always happens, and the one time when that didnt happen, he just used me for a stupid book!! -_-" yeah, long story. I might write it later, kinda doubt it though. Lol bad memories. But I don't know....It was so nice and I had so much fun. I love it when a guy can actually make me laugh and smile. I dont smile too often unless I'm with my friends, so it's sort of a deal to me. :P. I'm just sitting here writing and thinking back on the entire night and how nice it was. That there's someone who enjoys singing and smoking and having fun doing stupid shit but not actually risking their lives. Having fun getting kicked out of target and walmart and seeing it as a fantastic memory and not something it's to be ashamed of. :) yes...I'm literally smiling right now because I can almost never find someone like that....and if I do....yeah....douche canoes...lol
I think I'm going to go ahead and talk to this guy more because, well....I likes.... :3

I Feel Pretty/Unpretty

How are you supposed to feel pretty? Like....I dont feel pretty at all even though there are people that say that I am and very beautiful. I dont understand how that works. Is it just someone trying to get into my pants, or is it true? How can I know if it's true? Just believe them and see where it leads? Because each time I believe, I get so heart broken and it does not seem worth it anymore. The heatache is just too much at that point. It seems everyone is a liar. I try to tell myself that I'm pretty, but I really can't believe it. Where's the proof? Where's the truth? Where's the one person that won't lie that much? Can I believe them? Can I then believe myself? Can I even believe in someone that much anymore? At all? I dont know. I dont know if I'm brave enough to find out....I dont know if I wanna try anymore.
I dont think I do....
I kind of want to quit....

Relationships....

What do you do to get someone to like you? Impress them? Be yourself? Buy them stuff? I don't get it. I mean, how do you get someone to notice you? Not even just one person in particular, but anyone. And If you do attract someone, how do you know that they aren't after one thing? How do you make sure they're good people? That they won't hurt you and break you down? Won't make you hate yourself more than you already do? How does that work? Is it possible? How is it possible for one person alone to make another being feel so bad?? Why are people so ignorant? Why are they so blind?we could all have something so wonderful and beautiful in front of us, but instead we see it as ugly, or we let our friends and family change our minds for us and see it as horrible. Especially one person who could make the other so much better. We rely on friends too much. I'm not saying that having friends and relying on their opinions is bad ,but relying on them like a baby pup with their mother is a little rediclious. Opinions can greatly open our eyes, but we dont need them to survive. You know?

Don't lose hope.

So...I went to pick up my ex today cause he needed a ride. When sitting in my car, he came out. This was my reaction: O.O I really couldn't believe I dated him! Sounds mean, I know. But I'm actually happy I seen him because it assured me that I'm truly over him. I mean, you see those facebook like pages saying "I dated that" and "was I drunk our whole relationship" and I actually felt like that for a moment. XD but seriously. It did reassure me that I'm over him, and it makes me happy, a little. :) Just remember girls and boys, there's always hope!! It just takes a little time to realize that it'll come. Don't lose hope. When you do, everything starts to fall apart in your eyes. I was like that for a little and I really did want to just quit. Not die!! Just get away from everything. Run away. Pause life so it all goes away for a while. But now, I don't want it to stop. It's wonderful and I enjoy being happy again. I'm not worried about finding "The One" or any of that stuff. I feel pretty without anyone's help. I'm into Yoga again. I'm dancing in my room to no music. Driving around happy!! Not worrying about the little shit. Sounds like a dream, I know, and sometimes it feels like it, but it's still here no matter how many times I pinch myself!! :3 just believe in yourself. I know it's hard, but it just takes some time. Time doesn't fix everything, but it can heal a little bit. I promise! It'll all be better after a while. I have faith in all of you. Just remember....The dog days are over. :)

"Am I sexy enough for you?"

I miss feeling sexy for someone. You know that feeling. Like, you have someone that's special to you, and they may say "oh you look so sexy in that" or "you look really beautiful today" and it just makes you have a very fuzzy feeling inside and you feel so happy! I just miss that feeling, I guess. I mean, I don't absolutely need that feeling, but it's nice to feel special now and then, you know? Just feeling like someone really cares about you and loves you no matter how you look. Even when you're wearing sweats and a hoodie, they make you feel good. I don't know if that's just me or not, but it's just a thought.
^.^
~Miku~