Don't be like me.

I'm going to write a confessional on here for myself. I need to relieve some of this weight that's been on my shoulder's for a long time:

I cut. Yes, I still do. I don't want to, but it's getting to the point where I can't fight the urges any longer. People hate me. I know that. I fully accept it but you know, I just pretend I don't notice as to not cause a disturbance. Losing people is something I'm not good with, so I just write it off. Yes, I know i can be annoying, but It's not like I TRY to just to annoy others. I'm not that ignorant.

Another thing that I can barely accept myself:...........I'm anorexic........I may not look like it, but I fight with myself to eat something every day as to not faint with undernourishment. It's not fun. It's not easy. I look in the mirror every morning and hate the way I look. I hate shopping for clothes because it shows me how fat I am. and no, I'm not a size 2, or 4 or 8. I would love to be. I am a size 13/14. And I hate myself. I try so hard to put on a happy face and seem like I'm so happy with the way I am and proud of myself, but I'm not. I wish I was someone else. I wish I just had a different life.

So now, I sit here crying because I can't do it anymore. I can't keep putting on this mask and letting you all think I'm so fucking happy when I'm not.

I'm not happy.

My memories haunt me every single fucking night.

And no one ever let's me forget.

I act like nothing can hurt me. Like I can brush everything off. But I can't.

I'm blamed for everything. can't ever be anyone else's fault but mine. and it stings SO badly that I'm lying to my best friends every single fucking day and I just can't say anything because I'm so afraid to admit any of this to myself, even though I know it's true!!!!

Learn from my mistakes. Don't be like me. Please, for God's sake, DON'T BE LIKE ME!!!!!!!!

I don't want to be like me.

~Miku Takahashi~