.....Welcome..... :)

Sometimes....I'm so tired of trying. Not at life or anything, but like.....uhmmm.....how to explain this without people thinking I'm all "emo" and shit...hmmm....I'm sick of trying to find my "other half" for the lack of a better term. It's not like I'm not trying and just waiting. I do try a little. I try to meet with people to have a nice time....then they never speak to me again. I don't want to sound pitiful or anything, it's just annoying whenever you try so hard and no one is willing to ever try for you.

I see so many people saying that there's always someone out there that finds you beautiful, but how can you believe that when everyone you know calls you a whore, a slut, a man, and so much other shit?? Even your own friends....How can you believe that you're beautiful when you know that people don't think so? one person against ten. Where does it tend to lean to? that one person, or those ten?? I know I shouldn't focus on those who talk shit, but can you truly forget about everything that was said? Example...If I told you to not think about hubcaps, what are you going to start thinking about?.....hubcaps!! Yeah, you may forget after a while, but you're gonna remember it eventually. Something reminds you or you're sitting alone with nothing to do and it just tends to come up in your mind. It just sorta happens. You don't want it to, you don't try, but it happens. does anyone else know what I'm talking about, or am I alone on this one?? lol

I know that if my friends talk shit like that, they're not really friends, but what's a more worse way to make someone feel bad than knowing what they say, and making it known you know, but never showing your mad? Be nice and sweet and let them suffer in silence? Let then drown in it, eat it and breath it every single day and having to see that it doesn't change anything. It doesn't make you disappear. It doesn't make you try to kill them. It doesn't make you run away. it doesn't make you cry or make you apologize that a guy just didn't fucking love them like they said they did when they were smashed. I'm done. I'm not nice anymore. I'm at the edge. hanging over it like a fucking boss. (punny?)

I'm not going to take this anymore. I know who I want to be. So......Welcome. I'm fucking done. :)