"That Emo Kid!"

That moment when you feel completely alone, even though you're not alone....odd...I don't care....and I swear, if one of you ever fucking read this and go "Oh another emo kid" I swear, I'll cut you <.<" don't make me record my 10 minute speech and make you watch it!! <.<" anywho...-le sulks- lol no no....

I'm falling again! lol

and I hate it! I hate myself! I'm disappointed in myself so much right now, and all I can do is cry. and yet, I put on a happy face and don't let anyone know...why do I do this to myself? If it's "all in my head" then why won't it stop?
Tell me this, Society...If it's all in my fucking head, why am I still depressed? I was happy dammit!!!! I had fucking motivation!! I was doing so well!! and now what?!?! WHAT?! Why is this fucking happening again?! I can't do this anymore!! I don't fucking want this!! NO!!!!
I can't...I love being happy more than anything in the world, and it was taken away from me...AGAIN!!
...I don't want this anymore...I don't know how to stop it...I don't....I don't like this at all...How do I fix myself? how?
just...how?...

Safety...

To be honest, I went through a lot in my past relationships. Not saying that they weren't good, but...*sighs* It's complicated. For example: My last relationship. Yes, I may say that I don't care for him anymore, but I know that a little part of my heart will always love him, which does make it hard sometimes to be around him, though we stay as good friends. So now, especially after him...I can't seem to find anyone. Not saying that I haven't been trying, because I have, but every time that I get close to someone and see that chance....I back away. I get scared. As of now, I do get scared. I'm scared at this very moment!! I would like to..ya know..date and all that nice shit...but...I can't...I'm afraid....I don't even know what I'm afraid of!! lol I just...
If you can't tell, I'm really confused right now...I can't even think straight enough to write this, but I just had the urge to share shit for some reason.. :/
Yeah...
I CAN'T HANDLE THIS!!!!
yeah...I'm a natural flirty person, but now...as it's just...the way it is right now..I can't!! I just...I have the literal urge to run away...and I feel terrible for feeling this way, but the fact is that I do.
How do I deal with this?
How do I handle it?
How do I feel safe about this??
I guess that's it, right there....I don't feel safe.....
.......I can't......